Transcription:The 90's Revisited
Michael Moore: Everyone remembers the heroic heroism that made Captain "Sully" Sullenberger a hero. But while one hero was born, another died in the valves of the jet engine... (The video rewinds, and shows a picture of Launchpad McQuack, before he dies in the valves of a jet engine) Launchpad McQuack. For not filing an FAA flight plan, he and 17 seagulls paid the ultimate price. All too common. The decade we call the 90's introduced characters we thought we'd never forget, and then we did. Darkwing Duck remembers. Launchpad was his sidekick from 1991 to 1995. Darkwing Duck: '''Oh, that idiot! I lost everything in that flight 1549 class action lawsuit! And, life being a cruel bitch, now my daughter Gosalyn needs money for a kidney transplant! So, I've donated my body. '''Michael Moore: To science? Darkwing Duck: To this Chinese restaurant. Let's get dangerous! (scene cuts to him being cooked in an oven) Darkwing Duck: Hey, hey! Hold on! Wait! WAIT! Hold on! You said this would be humane! Wait! Liars! Stop! What the hell? At least slit my throat first! Aaaaa! Kill me! Come on, what the fuck? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Chinese chef: The live ones cook better. (Scene cuts to a camera looking in on a crowded street and finds Waldo) Michael Moore: There's Waldo! He hid from our eyes, but never from our hearts. Later, he became a follower of the Reverend Moonrise Sunbeam and took a permanent residence on his compound. Waldo: Well, I got tired of always standing out in the crowd. From now on, I just want to be part of something bigger, man. Reverend Moonrise Sunbeam: Brother Waldo, come join us for some fruit punch. (Scene cuts to a scene of corpses, including Waldo's) Michael Moore: On August 12th 1998, all of America played Where's Waldo one last time on CNN. There he is. Mesogog planned to send the Earth back to the Mesozoic era -- that is, until the Power Rangers defeated him with mild gymnastics. (Cut inside a Wendy's restaurant) Turning humanity into dinosaurs -- How's that going? Mesogog: Well, I assume you're being facetious, since, as you can clearly see, I am now the manager of a Wendy's. I'm trying to treat it like a minor setback. The big road block was the dinosaur DNA -- Wendy's employee: Mr Mesogog! Mr Mesogog! Yo, Triple Stack -- does it go cheese, bacon, meat, cheese, bacon, meat, cheese, bacon, meat; or meat, bacon, cheese, meat, bacon, cheese, meat, bacon, cheese; or bacon, bacon, cheese, bacon, meat, cheese, meat, meat? I always forget, yo. Mesogog: Cheese, bacon, meat, meat, meat, bacon, cheese, bacon, cheese. (Cut to Acme Labs) Michael Moore: For a different perspective, I caught up with Pinky and The Brain, still incarcerated at Acme Labs as test subjects. Pinky: Oh, the glory days where me and Brain was mates. NARF! Moved him to a different cage, see? 'Member his big noggin? ZORT! Thought he was smart, but it was Paget's Disease! Brain: Side effects include crippling arthritis. Oh, and I'm blind. Michael Moore: So, Pinky -- Pinky: What'd you say, friend? You'll have to speak into the giant human ear! (Turns around to reveal a human ear on his back) TROZ! (Michael Moore vomits) Michael Moore: Remember Daria? I know, yuck! I was anxious to get into an acerbic, dry-witted take on the tumultuous 90's from this anti-feminine, basically asexual, boy-repelling train wreck. (Cut to Daria's house) Thanks for sitting down with us, Daria. Daria/Daryl: It's Daryl now. All these years, I thought I was an exceptionally gross girl, when, in fact, I was a beautiful man. Michael Moore: I see. How'd this happen? Daryl: Well, first they enlarged my clitoris with androgenic hormones. Then they fashioned my labia into a makeshift scrotum. (Michael vomits, cut to Michael watching the interview on his computer) Daryl: (on TV) Life's a crazy ride, if you have your urethra rerouted. (Michael picks up a bucket and pukes into it; cut back to the Chinese restaurant) Michael Moore: Sad fates for beloved characters from such a recent era. Let us forever hold them in our hearts. Chinese chef: Dinner is served! (He opens the serving dish to reveal a cooked Darkwing Duck, his body neck-down the shape of a cooked duck) Gosalyn: Dad?!! Michael Moore: This...still has a face on it. (The chef gets out a cleaver and chops Darkwing Duck's head off, Gosalyn screams in horror) Category:Transcriptions